goodnight

and i wonder what it feels like

to talk over a cup of coffee (again).

you, me and the world (then) on a late night.

sad day

and time passes.
morning comes.
the whole day drags.
until the sun sets.
and this night ends.

we stick to the rule..
no 'crying' til midnight.

today

reality strikes you like a shock of a lightning..
as it screams painfully inside you,
embossing every word under your skin...

so now you won't be able to deny it any longer..

the truth..

'this' isn't worth it anymore.

turn about

fact is..

laughter can go down to tears.

loyalty may lead to betrayal.

independence comes to loneliness.

understanding may reach to jealousy,

patience brings to surrender.

courage loses with fear.

and love ends with a heartbreak.

the fact is..

when these things happen...

life moves on from there..

the hope is..

these also go the other way around.

define me

when 'you should love yourself more

than other people'.
when 'you need to think of yourself first
before them'.
these are what i've been told,
to find my real self.

but self-worth is not about me..

when it's the time i become selfless,
that's the time i feel.
loving someone means loving myself back..

shades of grin

i saw myself today.
dark, weary and grim.
the lowest i could be.
i mimicked a laugh.
i repeat a phrase.
i strung myself to move.
i forced a smile to put through the show.
until you saw me.
and sincerely told (that)..
'I am at the best version of myself today.'

mixed me

when all of us aim nothing but this simple life.
the irony of it..
is how i miss being complicated.

the blue parade

silence may keep you safe..
it may waste you.
unfound.

make yourself now.
scream and be free.

don't wait for everyone to seek you...
YOU...
show them..

12 am

i could never really understand..
no matter how much i move forward,
i kept going back the same way...
i kept repeating the page.

everyday,
i try to flip a leaf,
to move farther ahead..

i tried.. i am still trying.. and i will..

but everynight,
i go scan back the best parts..
i take a few steps behind.

i lost.. i am losing..(i'm afraid) i still will..

just like that..
i lose the things that need to matter.
on what freedom really feels like.
on why letting go is the the only way.
on how love really ends.

when can i ever completely understand...
that certain things had all come and passed already..
we are here no more.

coasting east

i ran..
ran as fast as i could..
ran along the beach..
ran through the windy air..
under the night sky..
i ran...
to free myself of you.

as if you were the the dirt on my soles the waves easily washed..
as if you were the sweat in my skin the air could quickly dry.
as if you were the distance i passed and conquered..
as if you were the deep breaths i strongly exhaled..
as if you were the strength i blatantly exhausted..

but you weren't.
instead,
you became the crushing sound of waves i missed hearing..
you were the cold air that i wonderfully felt all over..
you were the long pathway ahead that i still wanted to run..
you were the salty seabreeze i inhaled smoothly..
you were the contentment i gained from lost energy..

i wanted to run to forget you...
but in the end..
i aimed to run again...
to remember you.

still bridge

you stretched your arms for me to reach..

but the gap between us is far enough
to touch each other if both try..
now..if only i can open my palm to bridge that distance.
won't you let go atlast?
will i hold on this time?

nights for two

i take a time to fill my hands and tire my feet.
i take a chance to run away and hide elsewhere.
i take a moment to be lonely and stay soley.
i take a phase to be a rebel and a loser.

and it will be all over.
after..
i'll be going home
make dinner and light a candle.

waiting..
'coz you are coming.

the big picture

i watched the clouds moved on the wide skies tonight..
like a free movie being played everynight,
all you need is to look up.
i watched the cars drove under the bridge today..
like a full news being told every morning,
all you need is to look down.
i watched people walked and crossed streets outside..
like a featured story documented every time,
all you need is to look around.

i watched them...thinking,who would be doing the same?
minding the millions of raindrops ready to fall from the sky tonight.
the numbers of safety belts unbuckled today.
those feet rushing late everywhere..

to the billions and one living that i've watched today ,
i was just thinking,
was someone watching back??

pain-freak

when silence takes a visit..
sobriety looms around..
when nothing throbs and shrieks..
no one even irks you out...
pain-free is pretty boring after all.

weekend ghost

you started as a habit i do for my saturdays.
you were like a dream that played through out the night.
you were a hangover the whole day next.
a vague hallucination in time of dusk.
then just like that, you were gone again by midnight.

love fills where words can't

the time of meeting you sickened me
that for the nth time we would be in a weird situation again
pressured to say something comforting at first
ending up telling strenuous words again and again..
tiring debacles of the past that actually did not make sense anymore.
the fact that you of all people, would not like it,
but we could not just help it.
we had gone tired and helpless,
yet for sure the moment we see each other we would be back doing just that...

or we might as well shut up and kiss.

the 'you' and the 'me'

back then,
i keep on finding 'me' in you.
by any means that i try, i'm losing.

now, i understand,
you cannot be the 'me'
i 'm the one who needs to be

i have to know
that you are just simply 'you'

perhaps, we will mean something.
something that feels better.

feels like winning atlast.

mime me

 

and i told myself i am reborn..

and i told myself i am alright..
and i told myself this is real..
and i told myself it is right..
and i told myself i am over..
and i told myself i am happy...

i just told myself.
i have yet to convince...

the rain tonight

the gloomy sky stares down at us like angry eyes observing its prey,
that anywhere we go its as if we would be caught unprepared for its ultimate strike.
we tend to be vigilant, taking our hopes as we look up and plead for impunity.
yet it would just glare back...contemplating.

and when darkness spills throughout this earth again...
the silent dread fills every space inside us.
even the cold walls and heavy roofs between us and nature shakes with apprehension.
until the stars hide behind thick clouds,
the wind blows a little stronger..
the rain pours a little harder..

the trees will dance again,
the land will duck..

until the water rises one more time.

we...all brace ourselves to watch..